shud i go back to kch at the end of this month? just for one week??

suddenly i miss the life where everyday is just eating drinking and relaxing..

i dn care what happened between u two. whatever it is, im just doing it for ur own good.

i dn regret my actions, and i wish u the very best with all my heart, u WILL find a better one.

I hate that you have fell for her.

I hate that after all these years, you have not learnt what I taught you.

I hate that our friends had hated me for what I taught you.

I hate that you put her above the rest of your friends.

I hate that you put her above me.

I hate that you can’t do what’s really best for you.

I hate that you don’t learn from ur mistakes

I hate that after she hurt you more than three times, you still go back to her.

I hate that you have to suffer for her. Its really not worth it.

I hate that you did not go back to Kuching for CNY because of her.

I hate that you’ve changed because of her.

I hate that after trying so hard to forget what she did to you, I still hate her.

I hate that after all we’ve been through together, you have to hide our friendship from her.

I hate that you can’t talk to me when she’s around.

I hate that I’m not brave enough to confront her about us.

I hate that you told her I’m your ex.

I hate that she thinks I’m just your ex even though we’ve grown way past that.

I hate that she can’t accept me being your best friend.

I hate that you lied to her about your trip to Singapore.

I hate that I got hurt when you told me not to post pictures of us in facebook.

I hate that you have to put a mask when she’s around.

I hate that you tell me things about you and her even though I’m your best friend.

I hate that we can't have a conversation without you bringing her up.

I hate that I miss our long conversations about absolutely nothing.

I hate that I’m beginning to doubt our friendship.

I hate that I miss you treating me as a jiemei.

And above all, I hate that I miss your friendship.

tell me, how can you be an ocean away, in love with a wonderful guy, have a schedule busier than ever, and still cringe when you see the picture of the bastard who broke your heart so many months ago?

tell me.

every single night, even when im not working, i will find it hard just to fall asleep. and i dont know why, tonight i had the urge to blog. while waiting for the page to load, i noticed my heels has a lot of dead skin. so i started peeling. in the end spent 5 mins peeling off skin before i remembered what i wanted to do in the first place. ......



oh my gosh. workplace is like high school life right now. people there dont age their age, are super duper fake and dont even take their jobs seriously. all i want to do is work there, earn money and be happy. but sometimes ignorance just fails to succeed when it comes to drama in the work place. when i was young, all i wanted was to grow out of those high school unneccessary dramas and start working and make money. i thought all grown ups are mature and will know what is right and what is wrong. turns out, everywhere has its own high school clique. and i mean EVERYWHERE. eventually, no one grows up. where there's people, there's drama.

but overall, i still love working there, not because of SOME people(those people just dont grow up and take their responsibilities), but because of the environment and the part timers i get to make friends with. as one person told me, those older people dont act their age, but the younger ones act more matured than them. how true is that.

tomorrow the pub will become a restaurant. we will start to serve full course meals, more pressure for us. just imagine, not only do we have to memorise so many dishes, but we also have to try squeezing those food to tables where even now is not enough to put more than 3 bar snacks and beers at once. other than that, we have to explain the new menu to every customer, and we dont even know how the food looks like. the kitchen will have to prepare the food for both ground floor and second floor, which means the customers have to wait for the food, literally means that we will be fucked by them. and if we complain to the kitchen staff, they will also fuck us back. kitchen staffs there are not well known for their courteous words. all those things, and our pay is still the same. =_=

but, some of us part timers like the challenge. and we want to see how the directors would act when the change in paulaner fail to make money. we want to know how long they can take it. more food in menu means sales drop in beer. and paulaner being a microbrewery, would have to serve iced water or other drinks instead of beer because beers make people feel bloated.

the main point is this, paulaner is a german microbrewery, or a so called bar, why would a bar serve full course meals that would make its initial purpose of selling beer drop in beer sales?

suddenly, i miss kuching a lot. i miss my family even more. i dont want to go back there anytime soon, but how i wish to see them.. i miss me and my father's awkwardness, my mum's nagging, my sister's ignorance, my brother's craziness. i even miss my stupid dog's addiction towards chewing every single thing it comes across to. oh and not to mention my mum's rare cooking which always seem to be either too tasteless or too health conscious to my dad and he always grumbles away while eating but seems to finish everything in the end. ARRGH OK I JUST MISS MY FAMILY.

how i wish i can get away from this so-called 'independent' life i am in. i dont get it, nothing i do seems to be enough. and i seem to be gettind deeper and deeper shithole i call life here. apart from jared, who is so cute i can squeeze his face everyday, i dont like my everyday routine which consists of waking up late noon, get ready for work, eat dinner with him, work, go home, stay up until 4 or 5 in the morning, then do the same thing again the next day. school is like part time to me altho i am taking the full time course. my next school related thing would be on the 25th of april.

that's like 3 weeks away.

ok i seem to be ranting a lot. i stopped writing abt it in public since last year, so i have the right to do so now. haha.

i want to sleep. or see jared now. either way is fine for me. but the pig is sleeping so..

its always hard to forget certain things but im making the best improvements. guess i havent stopped believing in meeting the right one, but for now, i shall put love on hold and concentrate on the more important things in my life.

my waist keeps getting smaller, but my weight haven dropped down siaw. weird weird weird.. just had supper with zay and sara after work yesterday night, and when i came home to measure my waist, it was a crazy 26.8inch.. this morning it was 26.5.. hahaha.. i guess i have to be happy abt it, but it is just weird if my legs and hands are not porportional with my waist. and my face! fat face!! kenneth calls me big face D, hill calls me chubby.

i haven stopped eating, ask anyone, especially jet.. he says going out with me once can gain weight like mad.. and its true.. hahhaa

uploading post with pics later tonight, as for now.. i gotta go to the damn polyclinic(more abt it later) and bank.. then meeting kenneth before work.. nt working tml woohoo~~

everything in my life is broken now.. my fan, my aircond(both fixed btw, cost me unneccessary money-_-), my hairdryer and now, my stupid phone!

i want an omnia!!

im so so tired.. with generally everything.. and yet, i have to move on, i HAVE to, i dont have a choice..

p/s i'm making an oath to study really hard from now on.. so.. look out ppl!